It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
