If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
