i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Two words: blizzard sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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