it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
