so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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