I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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