Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
