i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
