I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
