As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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