I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Watching her eat just hurts me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize