This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
