she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Holy shit dude........stairs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
