you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
