He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
