I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
