Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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