he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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