Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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