I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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