Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
