brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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