He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
