Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
