then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
