I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
