so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
