Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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