It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
