i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
