Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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