u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
