Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
