this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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