i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
