I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
