just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
