I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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