never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
