he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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