he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
