At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
