I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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