So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
