I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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