Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
