I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
