Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
