we're blogging at a bar
I'm lost and stupid without you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
