wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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