i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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