He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You need a sexual gate keeper
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
