My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
