No stitches, just platelets and will power
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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