I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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