I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
