Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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