i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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