I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
