Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
