He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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