Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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