he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
