I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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