the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize