What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize