i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
