Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
