Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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