i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
