My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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