I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
