My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
