MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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