the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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