i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
