i may or may not be watching the land before time
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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