Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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