Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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