I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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