is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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