No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
