Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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