It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
