i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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