i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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