I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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