That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize