I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
